I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
