Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
