whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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