I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
