You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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