Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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