I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
