That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
