I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
