bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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