This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
