I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
