im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's rum buckets o'clock
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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