soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
