i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
