I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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