Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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