mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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