Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
