Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
