Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
