She said her name was "party"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
