Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
