I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
