I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she peed on how many people?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
