He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
