Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
