I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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