You just made me feel so damn special
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
