Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
