nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize