Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
