it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I want her autograph on my taint
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
