i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
