Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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