He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
