So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
