I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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