He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
