yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
