She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
