Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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