god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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