Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize