babies were throwing up all over the place
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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