Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
