i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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