Soap is not a condiment
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
