sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize