Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Randomize
