I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
