There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
