and you said cock pushups were impossible
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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