Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
