She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize