i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So much rum. So many feels.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
