we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
