One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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