She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
