i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize