Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
