I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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