i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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