Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
