Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
