I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
