I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
