remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
