im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
