What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
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