You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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