i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize