Soap is not a condiment
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
