i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
