'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
