I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
