I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize