She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
