Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
