Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
