I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
