All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
