ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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