thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
