I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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