I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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