your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
