Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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