my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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