So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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