I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
