Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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