It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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